


You are loved, just as equally

by babybokchoi



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Coming Out, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending, Internalized Homophobia, Kid! Chenle, Kid! Jisung, Kid! Renjun, M/M, Slow Burn, high school sucks, side luwoo, side markhyuck
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-11
Updated: 2019-10-16
Packaged: 2019-10-26 08:28:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17742473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babybokchoi/pseuds/babybokchoi
Summary: Jaehyun has a crush on one of the school's most popular guys. He doesn't want to admit to himself that his feelings aren't exactly straight. One day, he gets outted, and his crush is suddenly common knowledge around their school.





	1. see you later

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! My first chaptered fic. I really hope you like it. If you have any comments or questions please don't be afraid to ask. It's not beta read or edited or whatnot, so if you see something, say something!

Jaehyun yawned, arms stretching above his body, eyes blinking rapidly to adjust to the morning light filtering into his room through the partially opened blinds. He laid in bed a little longer, enjoying the quiet surrounding the morning. It was a weekend, so there were no plans urging him out of the warmth of his bed. 

If he strained his ears, he could hear the subdued clanging of pots and pans through his closed door and muffled laughter of his father and stepmother. He was about to roll out of bed when he heard faint footsteps growing louder, pounding on the floors of the hallway. They abruptly stopped and Jaehyun could hear giggles behind his door. Chenle. 

Sure enough, a few seconds later, the door to his room slowly pushed open and gently closed. Jaehyun had closed his eyes to let Chenle think he was still asleep. Suddenly there was a little body on top of him and a growling in his ear. He quickly flipped his body over so he held Chenle in a tight bear hug, blowing raspberry kisses on his chubby cheeks. Chenle nuzzled his head against his oldest brothers chest, trying to escape the attack. 

Jaehyun paused to run his hand through Chenle's hair and give him a good morning kiss on his forehead.  
"Good Morning, Lele. Ready to face the day?" Chenle shook his head and nestled himself deeper into the blankets of Jaehyun's bed. 

"Wanna stay." Jaehyun hummed in approval, letting Chenle settle against him. Chenle, usually, was only a morning cuddler. As the day progressed, his energy levels soared and he was less inclined to sit and settle down. And as he grew older, even morning cuddles decreased in frequency. It was a rare moment that Jaehyun wanted to cherish while he still could. 

Like all good things, it had to come to an end eventually. He was just on the brink of falling back asleep when Chenle decided it was time to get up. He jumped on the bed, launching himself at Jaehyun's body and yelling and laughing until Jaehyun got himself out of bed. He threw some joggers on over his boxers and exchanged his sleep shirt for a long sleeved shirt, black with small white writing on the sleeves. Noticing Chenle still in his pajamas, he took his hand and led him to his room to get changed. 

He let Chenle pick out the clothes he wanted to wear, which meant his shark onesie and a little headband that made him look like Naruto. Admittedly, he looked pretty cute, so Jaehyun didn't say anything and let his brother run down the stairs into the kitchen, pretending to eat everything in his path. 

Downstairs was already bustling with life. It was almost 10, and the rest of Jaehyun's family were in the kitchen in various stages of eating and cooking. Chenle immediately took his seat next to his youngest sibling, Jisung who was sloppily eating oatmeal and little banana slices. Almost magically, another bowl of oatmeal and banana slices made its way in front of Chenle who dug in to his breakfast. 

Although half way through, he took to spoon feeding Jisung, which Jaehyun watched fondly. Chenle was growing up to be an amazing older brother. Jisung would be the most spoiled kid alive. Jungwoo was half asleep over his plate of toast, steaming oatmeal and half drunken cup of coffee which had Jaehyun laughing, ruffling his hair and cooing in his ear. 

"Awwww, too early for you, huh Jungie?" Jungwoo lazily swatted the hand away and shoved a piece of toast in his mouth as a response. Jaehyun sat down next to him, his father handing him a fresh cup of coffee and a plate of toast and a cup of oatmeal.  
"Morning mom, morning dad." He smiled, grateful for the prepared breakfast. 

His smile quickly left his face when his parents turned to face them. He knew they were about to deliver bad news. His parents had been acting strange the past few days, following a phone call they had received during dinner one night. Jaehyun knew they had been hiding something, but nothing could have prepared him for what they were about to say. Jisung and Chenle were quickly cleaned up and sent to play in the den. Jungwoo was remarkably more awake, his leg bouncing up and down, a nervous tick he hadn't quite figured out how to get rid of. Their mother turned her back, as she started washing the dishes, but Jaehyun could see her shoulders sag. Jaehyun's dad cleared his throat before beginning. 

"We need to talk to you boys." He said, pausing. His eyes were sunken and sad, looking at his mug, rather than meeting the gaze of the two boys. Ever since Jaehyun's father divorced his mother, he had never been good at delivering bad news.

He looked up, "We have another contract. It's in Boston. Yale university."

"Now?" Jungwoo questioned. The college semester was halfway over. Their parents were professors in aerospace engineering and computer science. Since the birth of Jisung and Chenle, they had been subbing in for teachers on maternity leave or sabbatical at Yonsei and Seoul University. This would be the first time they took a position that required the both of them to be away for so long. 

"Two professors have just left for maternity leave, their replacements bailed and they are desperate for professors to take over on short notice and in the field of study your mother and I are in. She has been there before, that summer contract she had 2 years ago, so they reached out." 

"How long?" It was Jaehyun's turn to ask.  
The sink turned off and their mother faced them, finally.

"8 to 9 months. We might be able to fly back for the winter holidays but everything is up in the air. You know we don't want to do this, but we need the money and they're offering us so much. As much as I hate this, and your mother hates this, we need to be able to pay the court fees and the lawyers and we want to take care of you guys the best we can."

"We understand." Jaehyun spoke for the two of them. He passed a glance at Jungwoo who was biting his lower lip, in an effort to keep it from wobbling.

"We're sorry. We don't want to have to throw all this responsibility on you two. But it's really getting the babies to and from school, they have their after school programs for when you have practice and rehearsals. Sicheng's mom will be over to help, with Sicheng, I'm sure and she'll be bringing over food for you guys a couple times a week. I know that this is a lot to ask of you both, especially you Jaehyunnie. But you're 18 now, so you'll be able to help with signing the kids in and out of school. If there was another way, we would never chose to do this."

Jaehyun's heart was slowly shattering, hearing how long his parents would be away. He knew they needed money, but he wished it could come in some other form. But he heard the sadness and regret in his father and step-mother's voices, that he couldn't bring himself to be angry with them or to be outwardly sad with them. None of them wanted this. 

Jungwoo however, was not able to reel in his emotions so well. He was very soft-spoken, his voice quiet and calming, but now his voice wavered and shook, as he yelled, yells soon becoming soft cries. He wasn't very good at being angry. Jaehyun understood Jungwoo full well. They were a close knit family and being apart… well… it hurt. He got up and stormed out of the kitchen. They could hear shuffling and keys rattling, and finally the door opening and slamming. Jaehyun guessed he was going to either Yukhei's or Sicheng's to vent, cry or just be sad with. 

"He'll come around. He always does." He tried to reassure his parents who stared in the direction of the door with hopelessness. His father nodded, gathering dishes to help with clean up. This wasn't the first time.  
"When do you leave?"  
"We leave tomorrow night."

 

The rest of the day passed somberly. Jisung and Chenle seemed to have sensed the mood, playing quietly and subtly clinging to Jaehyun and to each other. Their parents were upstairs packing and at one point, Jaehyun swears he heard his step-mother crying. He helped tuck the kids into bed and helped his parents finish packing in relative silence. They bid each other good night early, while Jaehyun decided to wait up for Jungwoo to come home. He cleaned up the living room from all of Chenle's and Jisung's toys before settling on the couch, turning the TV on low. 

Some music show was on, so Jaehyun settled quietly watched all the stages, eyes flicking to his phone every minute or so. When midnight rolled around and he had still not at least heard a reply from Jungwoo or his friends, he started to worry. He called Yukhei first, Jungwoo's best friend. 

"Hyung?" He got a sleepy reply. He heard some shuffling and creaking before Yukhei spoke again.

"Sorry hyung. Looking for Zeus?" 

"Yea, is he with you?" 

"Mhmm, he fell asleep at like 7pm so I just let him. Is that okay? Should I have woken him? Do you want me to go wake him? It's no problem, I'm sorry for not thinking. I should've known you'd be waiting for him. I'm sor-" There was more shuffling and loud footsteps, as Yukhei kept on rambling. 

"Slow down, Xuxi. It's alright. If you're ok with him spending the night, then leave him be. I'll come get him in the morning. How was he?" 

The movement stopped and Yukhei sighed, "He was angry, he cried a little, but he swore me not to tell you, so that's a secret. But I know you care for him more than anyone else alive. He fell asleep hugging my plushies."

"Alright, thank you Xuxi. Good night."

"Night hyung."

 

Jaehyun sat in his little Honda outside of Yukhei's house, waiting for Jungwoo, who came out of the house looking like a kicked puppy. He climbed into the front seat, staring forward unwavering even as Jaehyun stared at him. 

"I'm sorry for not coming home last night, or texting you."  
Jaehyun took Jungwoo's chin in his hand, turning his face, so they could look at each other. 

"It's ok." He paused. "You know I care about you, right? You know mom and dad love you too?" Jungwoo nodded. 

"Then let's go home and say good-bye." Jungwoo nodded again and silently, Jaehyun drove home. 

They helped their parents pack the car and as the sun began to set, it was a strained "see-you-later" instead of "good-bye", assuring the young kids that their parents will return soon. They promised to facetime as much as they could, and soon, the house was left quiet, Jaehyun driving them to the airport, returning within 2 hours.

Jungwoo did not quite know what to do next. he sat in the kitchen, Chenle flipping through one of his board books and Jisung in his lap as he stared into space. When Jaehyun returned, Jungwoo retreated to his room while Jaehyun made a checklist of things he needed to accomplish the next day. 

He had to get Chenle to school, Jisung to daycare and he and Jungwoo both had to stay after school. Chenle and Jisung both had after school care, and Sicheng's parents would pick them up and bring them home during the week. At some point, he'd have to get groceries as well. 

His family owed a lot to the Dongs. Jaehyun and his father had known them since Sicheng and Jaehyun were born and they remained good friends, even through his father's divorce. Sicheng's mother especially was always ready to have Jaehyun over when his parents were fighting and volunteered to help out Jaehyun's family when Chenle and Jisung were born and they had to go overseas. 

Money always seemed to be a problem for their family. The divorce left them with little, so Jaehyun's dad and step-mother were left with unfortunate work circumstances that often left the boys alone at home. 

Jaehyun was shook from his thoughts when Chenle started tugging at his arm. 

"Hyung, food please." Jaehyun looked down at his watch and noticed how late it was. 

"I'm sorry Lele, I lost track of the time. How about rice and some little sausages?"  
Chenle nodded happily and Jaehyun hurried off to prepare dinner. He sat Jisung on the chair by himself and let Chenle entertain him. There rice still in the rice cooker, so he set off cutting meat into small pieces before frying it with some vegetables.

Dinner was ready in no time, Jaehyun set little bowls for Jisung and Chenle before heading upstairs to fetch Jungwoo. 

He knocked on his door gently before pushing the door open. He found Jungwoo curled on his bed, wrapped up in a sweatshirt that most surely belonged to Yukhei due to how it seemed to swallow him whole. 

"Hey, I made dinner. You should come eat a little something." Jungwoo slowly uncurled himself and followed Jaehyun down to the kitchen. A bowl was set down in front of him and he slowly began to eat. It was a quiet affair, Chenle and Jisung sensing the mood and going with it, no silly games to play at dinner this time. 

Before bed, Jaehyun made sure his brother's school and daycare stuff was out, filled and ready. He began to leave stuff out, so breakfast would be a faster affair and they could all get to school on time. He helped Chenle and Jisung brush their teeth, and read them each a story before tucking them in, leaving with a kiss on their foreheads. 

Their parents called them in the morning before school. They looked exhausted, but put smiles on their faces for Jisung and Chenle. Their plane had landed a couple hours prior and they were settling into their rental apartment before starting their classes tomorrow. Jungwoo continued to talk with his mother while Jaehyun got Jisung and Chenle dressed and brushed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adjusting to the change in their routines and Yuta bullying Jaehyun into things.

After dropping the kids off, Jaehyun and Jungwoo made their way to school. Almost immediately, they were greeted by Yukhei and Sicheng. The school itself was still relatively new to brothers, only having transferred there after the summer had ended 2 months ago. Still, Jungwoo had made quick friends with Lucas who seemed to know everyone and everyone seemed to know him. Jaehyun had full confidence that Jungwoo was well-cared for here. 

On the other hand, it was a little harder for him to make friends. All his friends in their previous school had graduated and were studying at the university nearby. Sicheng had transferred schools with him, their parents not wanting them to be apart, knowing they each needed a friend.

Jaehyun tutored two freshmen in English, a Jaemin and Jeno, and on occasion, he took them out for lunch or dinner. It turned out, they were friends with two of Jungwoo's friends, so he saw them more often the past couple of weeks. For now, it was Jaehyun and Sicheng, fending for themselves. 

Jaehyun had more trouble than usual, being attentive during classes, and come lunch, he sighed in relief that he could just mope. He searched the cafeteria for Jungwoo and found him sitting with Yukhei, Sicheng, Mark, Donghyuck, Jeno and Jaemin. 

Mark and Donghyuck were friends with Jeno and Jaemin, and Jaehyun found himself enjoying their company at lunch. He felt his phone buzzing, and pulled it out of his back pocket, smiling when he was greeted with Yuta trying to facetime him. 

"Hyunnie!" Yuta screamed into the phone. Jaehyun almost hung up on him. 

"Stop being obnoxious." He said. 

"I just miss you!." Yuta pouted. "I have TY here, say hi Tae." Yuta's boyfriend popped into view and he gave a little wave. 

"How are you doing Jae? Everything okay so far?" Jaehyun smiled. It was just like Taeyong to check up on them. He was Jaehyun's self-proclaimed second mom. 

"Yea, everything is good. We got-" Jaehyun was cut off by Donghyuck plucking his phone out of his hands. 

"Hyung?" He questioned and broke into a huge grin, "Hyung!" 

"Oh, hey Hyuck, is Mark with you?" Donghyuck nodded and turned the camera towards his boyfriend.  
Jaehyun watched them, confused.

"Hyung?" He looked wildly between Donghyuck and Mark. 

"Mm." Mark responded. "He's my brother." Jaehyun just stared blankly. He had known Taeyong for as long as him and Yuta had been dating which had been 2 years already. In those two years, he had never met Mark. 

"Jeno's also my brother." Taeyong piped up from the phone. Jaehyun whipped his head to his tutee who was holding in a laugh, eyes pinched in little crescents and cheeks puffed out. He had never met Jeno before either. 

"How did you not know this?" Yuta cackled. The whole table was laughing at him, while he weakly muttered, "Lee is a common last name." 

He looked up at the table. They all had smiles on their faces and he guessed as long as they were laughing, it was okay if it was at his expense. 

\----

After a few days, the boys fell back into routine and busied themselves with work and taking care of each other to lessen the small empty void they felt with the absence of their parents. Chenle and Jisung didn't seem to mind the change, they made sure to facetime their parents at least once a day. They had adjusted quickly to the change. 

Sicheng's mom often brought them dinner or invited them over. Or Yuta and Taeyong offered to cook for them, or watch Chenle and Jisung for a bit while Jaehyun and Jungwoo caught up on school work.

October turned to November, Halloween celebrated quietly between the brothers, Sicheng and Yukhei. Leaves were in the midst of changing colors and Yuta was trying to convince Jaehyun to throw an American Thanksgiving Party. 

"Come on, it's in a few weeks and we can invite everyone! It's been busy without your parents and it will be fun. A chance for you to relax and just talk. Taeyongie and I can help with the buying the turkey and everything. We can invite Taeil hyung and everyone!" Yuta waved his hands animatedly while sitting in the Jung's living room with Jisung on his lap.

It was a Saturday morning, a week after Halloween, Jisung and Chenle both preoccupied with a lollipop and their guests, Yuta and Taeyong. Taeyong was quietly playing cars with Chenle on the floor, while Jungwoo was in the kitchen, working on a paper. 

"That doesn't sound very relaxing, hyung." Jaehyun muttered, looking down at his hands. Seeing Taeil did sound nice though. 

"I want to invite Renjun!" Chenle piped up, looking at Jaehyun. "He's my bestest friend in school. He shares his snacks with me and he has a cute smile." 

"We'll see, Lele." Jaehyun sighed. 

"Oh, come on, Jaehyunnie. It'll be good for you!" Yuta pouted.

"Good for me, or good for you?"

"Both." Taeyong answered, surprising the boys. "You've been isolating yourself, Hyunnie. Let's order food, so we don't have to worry about cooking, and just have fun. We can have it in 2 weeks, on that Saturday, we can go to watch your big soccer game at school and then hang out here. You have that park nearby we can play at."

Jaehyun pondered, letting the silence sit for a while. Jisung had stood up, and walked over to sit with Chenle, who beamed. 

"We'll do it." Jungwoo's voice rang from the kitchen. He made eye contact with Jaehyun and they had a quick, quiet conversation with their eyes, before Jaehyun finally agreed. 

"Who do you want to invite?" 

"Renjun! Renjun! Renjun!" Chenle chanted.

"Taeil, my brothers maybe? Jaemin?" Taeyong suggested. 

They spent the rest of the day finalizing details and calling friends. They would watch Jaehyun's soccer game, come back to the house and order food, and maybe later in the evening, they would go to the park and try out some football. For whatever reason, Taeyong had bought a real NFL football when he went to Washington a couple years ago. 

Jaehyun went to rummage through the drawers to find Chenle's class list, so he could call Renjun's parents. He dialed the given number and was surprised at who picked up the phone. 

"Qian Kun, speaking."

"Oh, Kun-ssi. It's Jaehyun, from school. I have my little brother's class list in front of me and your phone, I guess, is listed for Renjun? Is that right, or am I making all this up?"

There was a soft laugh on the other end of the phone. "Hello Jaehyun, hyung is fine, please. -Ssi makes me feel old. And it’s the right number. Renjun is my nephew, but he lives with us for now. Is everything alright? I hope Renjun hasn't caused your brother any grief."

"Ok, hyung." Jaehyun stumbled over the honorific, but quite liked the closeness. "No, Renjun is no problem at all. I was going to have a sort of American Thanksgiving party in 2 weeks and Chenle really would love it if Renjun could come over and play. You, of course, are welcome to stay as well." 

"Oh! Renjun speaks very highly of Chenle. I'm glad to know that Chenle comes from a good family. I think that would be ok. The emergency number listed on the class list is mine, so you can text me details, yea?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this took so long! It's not edited heh, can you tell? I hope you like it, and I hope to be quicker with the next chapter and a better writer. 
> 
> As always, his me up on curious cat or twitter. I made a new twitter, so please follow me!!!  
> twt: @jayyoomee  
> cc: @jaychoi


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jungwoo thought back to the morning. By the time his alarm had gone off at 6:45, Jaehyun was already showered, dressed and had all their lunches made. Breakfast was cooking on the stove and he was rushing around the kitchen, filling Chenle and Jisung's bags with an extra set of clothes, sweater, snacks, water, and making sure the medications, phone numbers and each boy's iPad was stored safely inside.

Jungwoo glanced around the room, his Korean history professor's voice filling in the gaps where his mind was blank. Sitting next to him was Yukhei, who kept glancing at Jungwoo's profile, who was in another world. Yukhei quickly turned his attention back to the professor, scribbling the notes from the board down, knowing Jungwoo would be asking for them later. 

The weekend passed quickly, Yuta and Taeyong stayed over to help watch the kids. Jungwoo was really grateful that Jaehyun had good friends that were willing to help the family out. He knew that Jaehyun was having a harder time adjusting to the new school. 

He was looking forward to celebrating Thanksgiving, it was something they had never done before and he had excitingly told Yukhei when they walked into school. Yukhei accepted the invitation immediately and asked who else was going. 

He wanted to invite some of his other friends, but Jungwoo was unsure if Jaehyun would like his friends. Recently, he had been hanging out with some seniors on the dance team and their college friends, Jaehyun didn't even hang out with seniors, so he worried if Jaehyun would approve of them.

Jungwoo thought back to the morning. By the time his alarm had gone off at 6:45, Jaehyun was already showered, dressed and had all their lunches made. Breakfast was cooking on the stove and he was rushing around the kitchen, filling Chenle and Jisung's bags with an extra set of clothes, sweater, snacks, water, and making sure the medications, phone numbers and each boy's iPad was stored safely inside. 

When Jaehyun slowed down to check on the stew simmering on the stove, Jungwoo could see bags under his eyes, slightly hollowed out cheeks and noticed that his shirt was inside out. It had only been 2 and a half weeks since their parents left, but it was already taking a toll on the older boy. 

Last night, Jaehyun had wrestled Chenle into taking a bath (the single most difficult task of every night) and then was up and about with Jisung who had had a nightmare and woke up screaming. Jaehyun quickly whisked the pot off the stove and set it onto the table, turning off the stove and heading towards the stairs. 

"Hyung. I'll get Chenle, you get Jisung." Jungwoo said. Chenle was also a nightmare in the mornings when he had to be woken up, so it was the least Jungwoo could do for Jaehyun. 

As predicted, Chenle was not happy about being woken up and put up a fit and cried. Jungwoo wrangled him into some jeans, Pokémon socks and a cute hoodie with bear ears. Jungwoo picked up a still crying Chenle, letting him burrow into his shoulder and carried him downstairs, where Jisung was dressed and happily eating breakfast. 

Jaehyun needed a break. Jungwoo wanted, so deeply, to help bear the burden of caring for the youngsters, but he didn't trust himself with such responsibility. He had to rely on Yuta and Taeyong, and even Taeil when he was free (read: not very often). 

Jungwoo was startled out of his thoughts by a hand on his shoulder and registered a Yukhei staring at him, eyes wide in concern, trying to read his thoughts. Yukhei quickly looked away, muttering, "Class is over. Let's go to lunch."

Yukhei was the mood maker. He could downtrodden one minute and they next, smiling as bright as the sun. If he was feeling down, so was everyone else in the school, even if they didn't know the reason they were feeling off. As they walked towards the cafeteria, the air surrounding them was heavy and burdened. 

Jungwoo knew Yukhei wanted to say something, but he always held himself back, unwilling to push Jungwoo into an uncomfortable spot. In some ways, Jungwoo appreciated it, other times (like now) he felt guilty that Yukhei closed himself off. In the distance, Jungwoo could see Jaehyun sitting at the table alone, he seemed engrossed on his phone. They slowed down curiously to see a group of girls approach Jaehyun at the table.

They tapped him on the back, giggling furiously, all obviously trying to flirt with him. Even after 2 and half months in this school, Jaehyun was still a mystery to many and that seemed to be popular with the girls. They each wanted a piece of the mystery man. They watched for a little bit longer before Yukhei decided they should put Jaehyun out of his misery. 

Yukhei bounded up behind him and gave him a back hug, planting a kiss in his hair. "Hi hyung!" He turned his attention to flock of girls, shocked at being interrupted, "Hi girls." 

"That's disgusting." One of them commented. "You shouldn't kiss other boys like that." Yukhei's face hardened and he glared at the group. "Would you rather I kiss him on the lips, then?" 

The girls looked even more disgusted. "Ew, no. Of course not. Save it for someone better. A girl. Maybe me." One girl said, eyeing Yukhei like candy. Jungwoo felt his heart tighten and jealousy stir in his gut at the girls words, unsure of how Yukhei would answer. 

"'I'll pass. Thanks. Take your disgusting slurs someplace else." Yukhei unlatched himself from Jaehyun, who had an unreadable expression on his face, to go sit opposite Jaehyun. Jungwoo would have to ask about it later.

"How dare you speak to me like that, you brat." One of the girls raised their hand to slap him. Yukhei closed his eyes, flinching and he could hear Jungwoo gasp behind him, but the impact never came. 

A senior, one of Jungwoo's friends, Ten was holding her arm, raised in the air. "I think that's enough." 

Though Ten was physically small, his presence was large and immediately they dispersed, scoffing. They watched the girls retreat and Jungwoo immediately jumped on Yukhei asking if he was alright. Yukhei wasn't out to the public, but all their friends knew he was bisexual. 

"Thanks Tennie-hyung." Ten smiled at Jungwoo, ruffling his hair before prancing across the cafeteria to where he sat with his friends. If Jaehyun remembered correctly it was Doyoung, Kun and surprisingly, he saw his tutee, Jaemin sitting with them as well. 

"How do you know Ten? On a -hyung level?" Jaehyun asked. His voice wasn't accusing or mad, but Jungwoo felt his heart speed up. 

"We dance together sometimes. He teaches us when Amber noona is gone." 

"That sounds nice. I'm glad you are making friends." Jaehyun responded with a small smile. 

Jungwoo smiled gently back, determined to be a better dongsaeng and help Jaehyun shoulder his responsibilities and care for his younger siblings. 

Slowly, Mark, Donghyuck, and Sicheng arrived, the earlier events recounted animatedly by Yukhei. He seemed to have brushed off the hurt fairly quickly and the air was lighter at the table as he bubbled over in laughter. Ten was his new hero.

Donghyuck continued with the story telling and was gesturing wildly, telling everyone how Mark had managed to fall out of his chair in the middle of an exam. By the end of lunch, everyone's spirits were lifted.

Jaehyun picked up Chenle and Jisung from their after school programs when his soccer practice ended, They were finished early for once, so he surprised the boys by being the ones to pick them up. When they arrived home, he helped them each bathe and set them up with some cartoons, while he quickly showered. 

He made them finish their homework at the kitchen table while he cooked dinner and waited for Jungwoo to get home. It was important, that at least most nights, they ate as a family. 

Jaehyun washed the dishes and wrapped up the leftover food while Jungwoo bathed the boys. He did Jisung first, letting him play in the water with some toys and splash around for a little bit. Jungwoo rewarded his good behavior with some bubbles. 

"Hyungie, look! I am Santa!" Jungwoo looked up, from scrubbing Jisung's hair and he has bubbles stuck around his mouth, giving him a beard. 

"The cutest Santa Claus I've ever seen." Jisung beamed at the praise. Suddenly, his face solemn. 

"Hyungie, can we call Eomma?" 

"Let's dry off, get settled into bed, then we can call Mommy after Chenle is bathed." Jisung made a face, "Lele hyung takes forever to bathe. He cries and makes a mess."

Jisung was right, it was much harder to bathe Chenle. Thankfully there was less screaming, and Jungwoo's shirt was still partially dry. That was a first. After the two of them were changed into pajamas, Jaehyun joined them in their shared room and climbed into bed next to Chenle. 

Jungwoo let Jisung hold the phone, and they mostly listened to Jisung explain his day to their mother. Chenle fell asleep almost immediately. Jungwoo looked over and found that Jaehyun was also fast asleep, arm wrapped protectively around Chenle. 

"Eomma, Appa?" Jisung waited to continue until both of his parents were looking at him, giving him full attention. 

"Jaehyunnie hyung is sad, and tired. I don't know what to do." Jungwoo's head snapped up. He of course noticed the small changes in Jaehyun, but he didn't expect Jisung to notice too. 

"What do you mean sweetie?" 

"He wakes up early to cook for us. He comes home late. I had a nightmare and went to his room, and he was already crying. He wouldn't tell me why. And he tries to smile, but it's like his smile is broken. I try to be easy, getting up on time and eating and brushing and bathing, and I tried to tell Lele but he won't listen, he cries so much." 

"Oh, Jisungie. None of that is your fault. Neither is it Lele's. It's been hard for your brother since we've been away, but we'll be home soon, okay?" His mother said, looking heartbroken for both her boys. 

"Don't worry Sungie, we'll make sure he smiles again, and sleeps more, okay? Appa will take care of it."

Jungwoo and his parents shared a quick look through the phone before they bid each other good night, although it was almost 9 in the morning in America. Jungwoo let Jaehyun and Chenle sleep, and brought Jisung to his own room.

"Let's share tonight, ok? You climb into bed while I shower and then we can cuddle for a bit, yea?"

Jisung nodded enthusiastically, and tried his best to climb onto the bed. It was a little tall for his little self, but, he used the cube pillow next to the bed, so he could climb on easily. 

It was a little early for Jungwoo to go to bed, it was only 8:30. The young boys bed time earlier than their own. He still had school work and there was more cleaning to be done, but they would do that tomorrow. Tonight they would rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! A faster update this time heehee  
> This is Jungwoo and Jisung's take on things, since their parents left.  
> It's kind of a slow burn, but don't worry, you'll be properly introduced to everyone soon.  
> cc & twt: @jaychoi/@jayyoomee


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suddenly, time stopped when Jungwoo let out a heart breaking, "Hyung!"   
> Jaehyun promptly put Chenle down and looked up. Jungwoo was near the other end of the field, frantically whipping his head around in various directions. 
> 
> "I can't find Jisung!"

Tuesday passed by without a hitch. Sicheng's mom brought them dinner, and the Dong family ate with them. It was enough food for the rest of the week. Chenle and Jisung enjoyed being showered with love by a mother. There was something so distinct about how a mother loves on children. 

Wednesday seemed to never end. By the time their first block of the day ended, it felt like a week. Jungwoo had dance after school, which didn't allow him to get home until 5, while Jaehyun had a long, intense soccer practice, due to the impending game in a week. 

Jaehyun wasn't home until well after dinner, when Jisung and Chenle were already in bed. When he dragged his feet into the house, he crept into his younger brothers' room and gave them each a kiss on the forehead, whispering good night. There had not been one night where he didn't give them a kiss and bid sweet dreams to them. He wasn't going to stop now.

Jungwoo was waiting for him in the kitchen, dinner on a plate left in the microwave, while he completed some homework. Jaehyun quickly showered and joined Jungwoo at the table. Silence consumed them as Jaehyun ate. 

"Thank you." Jaehyun whispered, scared to break the quiet around them. "Thank you for taking care of things tonight." 

"You don't need to tank me, hyung. They're my responsibility as much as yours. You don't have to do everything yourself." 

Thursday, Jaehyun declared would be family day. He and Jungwoo would skip their soccer and dance practices to play with Jisung and Chenle for the whole afternoon. After getting picked up from school, Jaehyun dressed the boys in casual, but nice clothes so they could go out to eat. It was early for dinner, they would surely need more food later, they took advantage of the early time and empty restaurants. 

Enthusiastically, Jisung and Chenle recounted their days at school. Jisung was still learning the alphabet and how to put syllable blocks together. He did so well in his writing, that his teacher gave had given him a sticker on his chart. Jisung smiled proudly at his older brothers from their praise. Chenle told them all about his new friends on the playground and the new song they learned. 

The two were in a slightly different school than most other kids in their area. There were more foreign students around and a couple of their English teachers were recent post-graduates, on scholarship to teach in various schools across the country. Chenle's best friend was Renjun, who moved from China to live with his aunt and uncle in Korea. After dinner, Jungwoo rewarded their good behavior and stories from school with some ice cream from the stall by the park. 

Near their house, there was a park that they frequented whenever they could. Jaehyun didn't want Jisung and Chenle to stay couped up indoors. There was a small pond that was frequented by runners and there were playgrounds on either side of the pond; one was for little children with a foam ground in case they fell and the other was geared towards bigger kids with monkey bars, a jungle gym and taller slides. On the far end of the park, there was a small outdoor theater where productions would play in the summer and on its left were fields for football, soccer and lacrosse. On any given day, there would be children playing, couples strolling or families simply spending time together. 

Jaehyun brought his soccer ball and taught Jisung and Chenle how to pass to each other. Jisung was significantly more clumsy in his movements than Chenle, but Chenle very patiently waited for him and corrected his steps. ("No, Jisungie, careful! Kick like this!") Eventually, they broke into teams of two, Jaehyun, the soccer star took Jisung while Jungwoo had Chenle who was a little more skilled to balance it out. 

Jaehyun laughed as he nutmegged Jungwoo and rainbowed the ball over his head. It had Chenle and Jisung laughing as well. Jungwoo tried his best to keep up, but ended up tripping over his own shoes. Jaehyun continued to tease Jungwoo, impressing the kids with his footwork. He could tell at one point, Jungwoo was getting frustrated, so he passed the ball and they went back to a small scrimmage. There was a reason Jungwoo had chosen dance instead of soccer.

"Hyung! I am so excited to watch your game! You're so cool!" Chenle screamed jumping up and down. They were letting the two kids score all the goals, which made them feel like stars. Jisung tried to puff out his chest along with Chenle, loopy smile on his face, trying to imitate his older brothers. He followed Jungwoo into the goal post, to fetch the ball and the two of them playing a version of the game of tag with the soccer ball while Jaehyun praised Chenle. 

"I'm glad, Lele. I will be so honored to have you watching in the stands!" Jaehyun replied back with a smile just as bright. He bent down to pick him up and twirled him around before planting a bunch of kisses all over Chenle's face. The child couldn't stop giggling and laughing. His shrieks filled the park and Jaehyun was content witnessing such joy from his little brother. 

Jungwoo was running with the ball, slow, long exaggerated steps as Jisung chased after him, trying to steal the ball away. Jisung was giggling, nose scrunching as they chased each other. It had been awhile since they played like this. Jungwoo swooped low and scooped up a wriggling Jisung, blowing raspberries on his stomach. The ball, slowly forgotten, rolled down the little incline towards the tree line. 

Jungwoo placed Jisung down, fixing his little cap and making sure there was no more skin showing after their little bout of fun, it was still cold after all. Finally, he noticed that the ball was missing, "Jisungie, I'll be right back, go to hyung while I find the ball, ok?" He wandered over to the trees, looking around where they were playing. He saw the white of the ball peeking out from under a bush, grabbed it and returned to the field. He kicked the ball towards where he saw Jaehyun and Chenle a short distance away before he realized Jisung wasn't with them. 

Suddenly, time stopped when Jungwoo let out a heart breaking, "Hyung!"   
Jaehyun promptly put Chenle down and looked up. Jungwoo was near the other end of the field, frantically whipping his head around in various directions. 

"I can't find Jisung!" 

Jaehyun's heart stopped. His head whipped around so fast, to try and see as much as he could. He picked up Chenle and ran to where Jungwoo was. There was tears in his eyes. 

"I don't know what happened. We were playing, but the ball, it fell into the pit over there, so I went to go get it and when I came back he wasn't there! I told him to go to you! I was only gone for 30 seconds, I don't know where he went. He was supposed to be with you. I'm so sorry, hyung." Jungwoo sobbed and collapsed to his knees. Chenle, scared, wriggled himself out of Jaehyun's arms and tried his best to hug Jungwoo. 

Jaehyun tried his best to remain calm. It wasn't Jungwoo's fault, Jisung has walked off before and they always found him. He told Chenle to stay with Jungwoo while he searched. Jungwoo panicking was not going to help find him. Along the side of the field was some brush that lead into a small patch of woods behind a cemetery. He ran through calling Jisung's name. He slowed down to look and listen for any glimpses of Jisung's red little ball cap or rustling of any branches or bushes. 

He was about to take off again when he saw it. The little red hat, bouncing along in just near the border of the cemetery. He ran and fell to his knees in front of the boy. Jisung looked startled, but happy to see his brother. Jaehyun finally let his tears fall, "Jisung, how many times have told you not wander off!" He went in to hug the boy before realizing Jisung was holding something. 

"I'm sorry, hyung!" Jisung's lower lip wobbled, "But I found a puppy and wanted to keep it." He held out the small ball of fur in his arms, for Jaehyun to hold. He took the puppy in one hand and Jisung in the other. Jaehyun returned to the field where Jungwoo was still crying, clinging to Chenle. He started sobbing even harder when he saw Jisung safe in Jaehyun's arms. 

When everyone had calmed down, they went back to the car and drove home. Jungwoo was shivering and the last thing Jaehyun needed was a sick brother (which would eventually turn into a sick 3 brothers). The puppy sat in the backseat inbetween the kids. It was small and black and incredibly soft. 

Back at the house, Jungwoo showered first, and then helped Jaehyun bathe the kids. He stayed in only his boxers because he knew that he would be soaked anyways by the end of it. (He was right, most of the tub water ended up on him and Jaehyun because when it came to bath time, suddenly everything became a bomb and everything had to be splashed). While Jungwoo dried and clothed the younglings, Jaehyun showered and threw on joggers and the largest sweatshirt he could find. 

He took some left overs out of the fridge, too lazy and drained to cook, heated them up and called for everyone to join. The puppy was currently in Jisung and Chenle's room, sleeping on the bed. Jaehyun had texted Sicheng to bring some dog food over later. While they sat at the dinner table, Jaehyun called a quick family meeting. 

"Today was rough, huh?" Everyone nodded solemnly.   
"Jisungie, Lele, you can't wander off on your own, ever. You got that? At all times you must have either me, Jungwoo, Sicheng, or Yukhei or Mrs. Dong with you at all times. You can never go anywhere by yourself. If you want to go somewhere with someone other than those people I just listed, you need to ask for permission, ok?"   
Jisung and Chenle responded together, "Yes, hyung."  
"I know you guys think you are big boys now, and you are getting there, but when we couldn't find you Jisung-ah, that was really scary. And we were afraid we'd never see you again, so stay real close ok? Hyungs love you very much and we would be very sad if we lost you." Jisung nodded, "I understand."

"Jungwoo," Jaehyun said, turning to him, "It's ok. They're a lot to handle. It's hard on the both of us. But if this happens again, I need to you to think straight, and reel in your emotions until after we bring them back, safe and sound okay?" Jungwoo nodded, head hanging low. Jaehyun was sure he was crying again. 

This had happened before and Jungwoo was the one present. Jungwoo was thirteen, and Chenle was one. He was wandered off in the store while Jungwoo was trying to reach the top shelf for the diapers they needed. Chenle had just started to walk and half walked/crawled to the dairy section two aisles over. They had found him sitting on the lowest shelf of open refrigerators, pulling cheese packages off the hooks and throwing them to the floor. Jungwoo had been traumatized and didn't allow himself to be alone with the kids again. It took a while for him to trust himself again. 

Jaehyun put Jisung to bed first, tucking him into his own bed, rather than Jisung's. Normally Chenle would stay up another half hour, but he was falling asleep at the dinner table, so Jaehyun tucked him into his bed as well. Jungwoo had retired to his room, so Jaehyun switched on his desk light, careful to not wake the boys, and did some homework.   
�At one point, Sicheng arrived and fed the puppy, cooing over how cute it was. They kept it in the little boys' room for the night, unsure of how safe it was to have the puppy free in the house. It didn't have a collar and although it looked bathed and clean, they wanted to be sure first. After Sicheng left, he refocused on his essay and lab report due the next morning. 

Jaehyun looked up at the sound of his door opening. Jungwoo quietly crept in and slid into his bed. He detangled Jisung from Chenle and cradled him close. He needed to be sure that Jisung was there and safe. Glancing at the clock, Jaehyun realized it was late for a school night (read: almost 2:30) and they should all sleep. He put all his books away, turned off the desk light and crawled into bed next to Jungwoo. It was a little bit of a tight squeeze but it brought back fond memories of when Chenle and Jisung were even younger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi friends, thanks for reading, I hope I'm becoming quicker at updating heehee ^^  
> you will meet Doyoung officially in chapter 6, if everything goes according to plan :)  
> also, this is really late, but I SAW NCT IN NJ. I drove like 8 hours for it, but I think it was worth it. It was first concert, and it was really good. I know there were some like controversies and whatnot over that concert, if you have questions about it can answer!  
> Find me on cc and twt  
> cc: @jaychoi   
> twt: @jayyoomee (I deleted my old account and created a new one with the same username, so all my followers are gone, come say hi^^)


	5. broken dam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bringing a sweater paw up to his face, Jaehyun wiped away excess tears, doing his best to smile reassuringly. He didn't even know why he was crying. In the aftermath of his parent's divorce, Jaehyun's love for his mother had waned significantly, her character and attitude shifting so dramatically from the person he had known before they had moved to America, since the months before they moved back to Korea. The angel he had known somehow turned into a demon. 
> 
> It was an emotionally raw and vulnerable day for Jaehyun.

News of the puppy spread quickly within their friend group, Jaehyun's phone blowing up with demands to see it. Sicheng had told Yukhei who had proceeded to tell Mark, and soon enough, it seemed as though everyone wanted to invite themselves over. To pacify them, Jaehyun told them they could come for dinner and to play with their new friend. 

While the rest of the house was still asleep, Jaehyun started on breakfast. He pulled out one of his step-mother's recipe books and began mixing the ingredient for pancakes as a treat for his brothers. While waiting for the pan to heat up, Jaehyun began cutting up fruit and preparing some bacon and sausage. It wasn't often that they ate American meals anymore. 

As the first pancake was cooking in the pan, Jaehyun was hit with a wave of nostalgia. The smell of pancakes and the sizzling of the bacon reminded him of living in America. For a moment he was taken back to his house in Connecticut, the memory suddenly clear in his mind. It was his first day of sixth grade. 

_"Jaehyun-ah! It's time to wake up!" A sweet voice called to him, from his sleep. Even after five years, the English still sounded foreign to his ears but slowly, he blinked his eyes open and came face to face with his mother. His mother had always been a master at learning languages, English being her fifth._

_She was sitting down next to him on the edge of his bed, gently carding her fingers through his hair, with a soft smile gracing her face. She had her hair pinned up, glasses hanging on her nose and a pink Rilakumma apron on. From the way the room sparkled, a warm kind of glow enveloping the space, Jaehyun knew it was early morning, where there were still dew drops painting the grass, birds catching worms and fresh, crisp air waiting to welcome morning._

_The sun shining gently through the sheer-curtained window behind her, made her radiate and shine. Jaehyun was reminded of an angel. A beautiful angel, that sang to him and read him stories whenever he asked. An angel who cooked his meals, left notes in his lunches and combed his hair. An angel who never ceased to stop loving him and sacrificed everything for him. Jaehyun couldn't help but smile back at her._

_"How is my favourite eleven year old this morning?" Her voice always had a song-like quality to it._

_"I'm really good, momma!" His English still wasn't perfect, but his mother praised him like it was._

_"Do you know what day it is? Do you remember?" Jaehyun beamed at her, "School! I'm going to sixth grade! I'm going to a new school!" Sixth graders went to school with students up to Eighth grade; to say Jaehyun was excited was an understatement._

_"My precious boy. I've prepared a special treat for you, for your first day. Can you smell it?" She had prepared the same food when Jaehyun had started fifth grade and remembered how much he had smiled and laughed._

_Jaehyun closed his eyes, inhaling deeply. He could hear his father humming presumably from the kitchen. He heard dishes and pots clanging, and after a second he could hear sizzling in a pan. Bacon. And then he could smell it. It was faint, but it was his favourite smell in the world. Pancakes. Jaehyun jolted out of bed, and ran down stairs, his mother's laughter following him._

_"Pancakes!" He shouted, launching himself at his father, who managed to catch him right in time. After swinging him around a couple times, Jaehyun's father let him down and gently patted his bottom, telling him to go sit at the table. Almost immediately, he had two huge chocolate chip pancakes sitting in front of him, topped with a little bit of whipped cream and sliced strawberries._

_"Momma, Appa." Jaehyun smiled through a mouth full of pancake, "I love your pancakes the bestest. Thank you for taking us to America." When Jaehyun had first learned of the move to America, he had been sad to leave his friends, and not see his grandparents as frequently anymore, but there were some good things about America too. He quite enjoyed being bilingual, all the girls at school constantly asked for him to say phrases in Korean._

_But, Jaehyun was reassured in his opinion that the best thing about coming to America was pancakes. His eyes glistened at the extra toppings he was allowed since it was his first day of school. He let his excitement outweigh his nervousness as he ate, relishing in all the attention he was receiving. Since they were still in America, there were no uniforms, so Jaehyun's father helped him pick out an outfit to wear._

_Jaehyun chose to wear the new jeans his mother had bought him the previous week, a white tee-shirt, his lucky socks, and sneakers with a little black adidas track jacket, that his mother always complimented. Jaehyun wanted to look his best. His father let him spray some of his cologne and then helped him pack his new Spiderman backpack with school supplies as his mother prepared him a lunch to take with him._

_His mother walked him to the bus stop, reluctant to let his hand go, as the bus slowed to a stop in front of them. Jaehyun simply waved and smiled at her, blowing her a kiss through the window as the bus pulled away._

_Jaehyun doesn't really remember much about his first day, other than meeting a nice kid named Changkyun. Another boy, who had moved from Korea, spoke Korean and offered to share his rice cakes, Jaehyun's favourite Korean dish. On the bus home, he bounced in his seat the whole way, ready to tell his parents all about his new friend. ___

__Jaehyun's flashback was suddenly marred by the memory of what happened when he returned from school and he could feel the tears begin to prick at the corners of his eyes. While that had been the best morning he could have ever remembered, coming home that day from school was the most terrifying experience. His first day of sixth grade was also the first day Jaehyun had ever witnessed his parent's fighting. It was the first day Jaehyun saw his mother hit his father. They moved back to Korea 2 months later._ _

__Jaehyun didn't notice the tears spilling over until there was a whine and a tugging at his shorts. He looked down, startled upon seeing Chenle make grabby hands at him, wanting to be picked up. He quickly glanced at the clock on the stove, noting how early it was for his younger brother to be awake. Chenle loved to sleep in. His hair was disheveled, little tufts going in opposite directions, there was a drool mark on the corner of his mouth and his eyes were slightly puffy, from having just woken up. Giving in, Jaehyun cooed and swooped Chenle into his arms, planting a kiss on his forehead, before Chenle nuzzled his face into his neck._ _

__Pulling away slightly, Chenle slowly and hesitantly reached out in front of him, trying his best to be gentle at wiping away the tears on his oldest brother's face. He had never seen his older brother cry before. Chenle didn't know whether to be sad or scared. Jaehyun looked surprised at Chenle's actions, not used to Chenle being so soft and gentle, a huge difference compared his bratty daytime attitude. The little boy in his arms simply stared back at him questioningly, "Hyung sad?" He asked, voice raspy and broken from sleep._ _

__Bringing a sweater paw up to his face, Jaehyun wiped away excess tears, doing his best to smile reassuringly. He didn't even know why he was crying. In the aftermath of his parent's divorce, Jaehyun's love for his mother had waned significantly, her character and attitude shifting so dramatically from the person he had known before they had moved to America, since the months before they moved back to Korea. The angel he had known somehow turned into a demon._ _

___His younger siblings didn't know about being only half related to Jungwoo and himself, and for once, Jaehyun was short on words._  
"You know what, LeLe?" Chenle shook his head cutely.  
"I just love you so much, sometimes it's overwhelming. But why don't you go wake up Jisungie and Wooie hyung for breakfast, okay?" He set Chenle down, patting his butt gently as a push. Chenle began to sprint out of the room, only to halt and run back to hug Jaehyun's legs.  
"I love you a lot too." He said, looking up at Jaehyun through softly curled, long baby eyelashes and wide eyes. He placed kisses on both Jaehyun's knees before sprinting back out of the kitchen and crawling up the stairs. 

__Jaehyun tried to compose himself before the rest of the family appeared in the kitchen. He splashed some cold water on his face, to reduce the puffiness and redness. While plating the food, he heard the screams of Chenle, and a thump on the floor. Moments later, Jungwoo appeared in the doorway of the kitchen, clutching his arm and rubbing his head._ _

__"What happened?" Jaehyun asked, bringing a hand up to Jungwoo's face, checking for bumps and bruises._ _

__"Lele jumped on the bed and I fell off it." Jaehyun tried not to laugh, while Jungwoo rolled his eyes._ _

__Chenle and Jisung appeared next to him, the latter with his thumb in his mouth and plushie cradled in his arms. His eyes lit up at the food on the table, dropping his toy and sprinting to his seat. He stood on his little booster seat, taking in all the food on the table. There were regular pancakes, chocolate chip pancakes, blueberry pancakes, whipped cream, strawberries, blueberries, bacon, sausages, orange juice, grape juice, toast and orange slices._ _

__"Hyung, did you cook all of this?" Jungwoo asked in amazement._ _

__"Yea, I just thought you guys deserved something nice after this week."_ _

__"Thank you, thank you!" Jisung yelled from his chair, already shoving food in his mouth._ _

__Halfway through breakfast, they were interrupted by barking. Jaehyun had almost forgotten about the puppy. He startled, almost dropping his fork and almost immediately, Chenle and Jisung were sprinting away from the table to get the puppy who had spent the night in their room._ _

__Jaehyun quickly followed after them, nervous about the state of their room. He realized he never left any towels on the ground, in case the dog peed or took things down that could've been broken and knocked over. He was pleasantly surprised though, to find the puppy sitting by the door, wagging his tail at the new attention. Before he could forget, Jaehyun picked him up and took him outside to pee, thankful that their backyard was enclosed by a fence._ _

__Sicheng was coming over with dog food, as well as a collar and leash, from their old dog who had died a couple years back. He let the kids play outside with dog, so they could get some exercise (and to hopefully tire the puppy out, so it wouldn't cause havoc in the house later), while he cleaned up breakfast. While surprising, but at the same time, unsurprisingly, almost all the food was gone. It seemed that Jisung and Chenle were taking after Jungwoo whose appetite was never satisfied. It was amazing they were all still so skinny, Jaehyun's father gave him a broader build than his siblings._ _

__After cleaning the kitchen, Jaehyun moved onto cleaning the house, doing laundry (whites only!), sorting the mail, and trying to decide what was for dinner before the guests arrived. Xuxi arrived early, much to Jungwoo's delight and Jaehyun left them in charge of Jisung and Chenle. Or rather, Jaehyun tried to. Chenle didn't do well with strangers and immediately started crying when Xuxi tried to say hi. Jisung, on the other hand, was absolutely in love with the half Chinese, half Thai man, clinging to him like his life depended on it._ _

__Chenle stuck close to Jaehyun, preferring to help fold the laundry (as best as he could) and helping Jaehyun tear junk mail up and throw it in the trash. Sicheng arrived just after noon, and took Chenle out for a walk with the puppy. Sicheng was more of a fourth brother to the Chenle, since he had been around since before Chenle was even born. Xuxi, even though related to Sicheng, hadn't been introduced to the Jung/Kim family until after Jaehyun and Jungwoo had transferred schools._ _

__While Sicheng and Chenle were still out, more of their friends began to arrive. Yuta waltzed into the house, without so much as a knock, which had Jaehyun rolling his eyes, but Taeyong announced their presence, his arms full of what looked like containers of food and shopping bags._ _

__"Where is my baby?" Yuta yelled, his voice echoing throughout the house. Under any other circumstance, Jisung would bounce down the stairs, running into the room to throw himself at Yuta. He loved all the affection and attention Yuta gave him, but this time Xuxi appeared in the doorway, a sheepish look gracing his face with a laughing Jisung attached to his leg. (Jaehyun would later have to address this laugh because it was starting to reach a Chenle level of volume and quite frankly, Jaehyun could only handle one Chenle.) Yuta held out his arms for a hug, only for Jisung to scream, "No!" and nuzzle his head into Xuxi's leg._ _

__"New favourite hyung!" He yelled and Jaehyun didn't think he'd ever seen Yuta look so dejected._ _

__"My baby has been replaced with a demon. Where is Chenle?" Yuta wailed. Taeyong passed him by, ignoring his boyfriends dramatic antics consoling him with a quick pat on the head before dragging Jaehyun to his feet.  
"Chenle is out walking the puppy with Sichengie." Jaehyun replied while following Taeyong into the kitchen. _ _

__"So I thought it was unfair for all of us to invite ourselves over, so I brought food and snacks. Sicheng also said his mother was going to stop by with food for dinner as well." Jaehyun almost cried at the spread before him. Taeyong had brought bags of all their favourite snacks, and there must have been at least 4 bags of take out, which Taeyong had explained, there were dumplings, fried rice, all the ingredients for kimchi stew and army stew, packs of ramen, black bean noodles, and fried chicken, not to mention all the side dishes that come with it._ _

__"Hyung, this is too much. You shouldn't have."_ _

__"I don't want you stressing over feeding us. We are crashing your house, and you are in no place to feed nine extra growing boys. Jungwoo told me you are still waiting for a check from your dad for the house and stuff. This is the least Yuta and I could do."_ _

__Jaehyun bit his lip to keep it from wobbling. So many feelings were bubbling up inside of him, clawing their way out. Sadness. Fear. Love. Gratefulness. Regret. Powerlessness. Loneliness._ _

__Jaehyun threw himself at Taeyong, tears immediately dampening the thin fabric of Taeyong's shirt. Taeyong froze for a split second, before wrapping his arms around Jaehyun, his little dongsaeng, who has had the weight of the world placed on his shoulders at only 18._ _

__"I know it's hard Jae. Don't be afraid to ask for help." Taeyong raised a hand to card through Jaehyun's hair as he cried, but paused, remembering last time how hard he had flinched at the contact, begging Taeyong to leave his hair alone. Instead he kept a firm arm around Jaehyun, and led them upstairs to the privacy of Jaehyun's room._ _

__"Talk to me Jae-Jae. I know you've been struggling. Sicheng is worried. Jungwoo is worried. Jisung is worried about you even." That knowledge made Jaehyun cry harder. He didn't want his brothers to think he was weak._ _

__"My brothers tell you everything, huh?" Jaehyun tried to joke, laughing wetly._ _

__"They're just worried. I'm worried. Tell me what's going on."_ _

__Jaehyun didn't even know where to start. There was so much cluttering his head. He felt that with their parents gone, and school taking up so much time, too many things cut into Jisung and Chenle's play time, their time to just be unrestrained with their imaginations and laughter. He felt like he was failing._ _

__He wanted Jisung and Chenle to have a happy childhood, full of fond memories. He wanted to them to never regret anything and experience everything. He didn't want their childhood to be clouded by memories of absent parents, absent brothers, restraints and restrictions, rules and strict punishment._ _

__He had to wash the sheets, vacuum, bathe the kids, do more laundry and maybe air out the house a little bit from the dog. He also needed to pay the bills for the house and get more groceries, bring the puppy to a shelter and Jungwoo had briefly mentioned he was in need of better dance shoes. Chenle had a short field trip that needed chaperoning and payment. He was praying his parents would send him money soon._ _

__He had an essay due in a week, three homework assignments, one that was due the day before, he had a test in physics he was sure he was going to fail, yet he couldn't justify doing his school work over caring for his brothers. Jisung needed a lot of attention and a playmate. Chenle was pretty much the same. They both needed constant supervision. Jungwoo was struggling in his own ways. He was eating less due to dance, he had become more withdrawn which was making Jaehyun nervous. He didn't like it when Jungwoo retreated in on himself, afraid to express his emotions._ _

__He missed his father. The man who had been there for him every step of his life. The man who held him together even when he himself was falling apart. The man who loved his son and sacrificed everything for him, including his marriage. The man who loved his step son as though he were his own. The man who loved his unexpected, but welcomed youngest children, with his whole heart. The man who relearned changing diapers and potty training, how to burp a baby, how to swaddle a baby because his new wife had to work from an office, while he worked at home._ _

__Jaehyun missed his step mother, the woman who loved him as her own. The woman who comforted him from the nightmares that plagued his sleep. The woman who helped right his relationship with Jungwoo, taking no sides even when it was her own son he was fighting with. The woman who cooked his favourite meals, and took him out to dinner for his birthday while his father was overseas._ _

__Jaehyun felt guilty. He missed his mother. He felt guilty for missing his mother. The woman who birthed him. The one read him bedtime stories. The one who ran her fingers through his hair as he fell asleep and as he woke up. The woman whose smile rivaled the sun's radiance. The woman whose love outdid the moon. The woman who taught him to sing and dance._ _

__The woman who slowly manipulated him. The woman who tore apart her marriage. The woman who left Jaehyun all alone, who called him a monster, who called him trash. The woman who abandoned their family. Jaehyun missed her. He felt guilty that the good memories he had of her outweighed the bad. He felt guilty for not having the heart to hate her despite everything she did._ _

__He didn't want this feeling of sorrow. He didn't want to feel pain. He didn't want to feel inadequate. He wanted to hate his mother. He didn't want to remember the terrible things about his mother. He wished his father had seen her true self before getting hurt so badly by her._ _

__It clawed at him desperately, because she ruined singing for him. She ruined dancing for him. She ruined physical contact for him. He couldn't stand any running their fingers through his hair, he couldn’t stand when his step mother tried to read him the same stories his mother read him. So much of his life had been ruined yet there was still a large piece of Jaehyun that missed his mother, who had once been so loving._ _

__"A lot." Jaehyun whispered to Taeyong. They were now laying on the bed, facing each other, Jaehyun curling into Taeyong's chest, trying to make himself as small as he could be._ _

__"Tell me Jae-Jae. Don't be ashamed." And Jaehyun told Taeyong. He told him everything through salty tears, trails of bubbly snot and teary hiccups. Taeyong had shifted so he was hugging Jaehyun, once again, his shirt being drenched with tears. He let a lone tear slip down his face, heart breaking for the boy in his arms._ _

__Taeyong tried to pull away to grab some tissues from the bedside table, but Jaehyun clung onto him, whimpering at the loss of contact._ _

__"Hey, it's ok. I'm not leaving, okay?" He quickly grabbed some tissues and gently dabbed at Jaehyun's face, and let him blow his nose._ _

__"Have you told Sicheng any of this? You know he is as close to you as your brothers." Jaehyun shook his head._ _

__"I was embarrassed." He whispered._ _

__"Are you still?" Jaehyun shook his head._ _

__"Do you give me permission to tell him? I know he's going to come looking for you." Taeyong asked, already seeing Jaehyun start to nod off into sleep. He breathed out a soft 'yes', before letting sleep take over._ _

__Taeyong used the opportunity to clean off Jaehyun's face a bit better. He got a cool rag from the bathroom and draped it over Jaehyun's eyes to reduce the puffiness that would surely be there when he woke._ _

__Sure enough, as Taeyong was settling back into the bed, there was a knock at the door. He was gently pushed open and a head peaked through._ _

__"Jae?" Sicheng asked, scared. There were tear tracks on his face and Taeyong guessed he had been outside of the door._ _

__"I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but I heard him crying, and-"_ _

__"It's ok, Sicheng. Why don't you stay with him for a bit and I'll get dinner started, okay? Is the puppy downstairs?" Sicheng nodded._ _

__"Xuxi is feeding him now. Taeil and the kids have arrived too." He replied, referring to Jeno, Jaemin, Mark and Donghyuck._ _

__Taeyong watched Sicheng get settled next to his best friend, pulling the duvet over them. He looked down at his shirt which was completely wet on one side. He tossed his shirt into Jaehyun's hamper and took one from the closet._ _

__"When he wakes up, tell him to drink water, okay? He is dehydrated." Taeyong whispered softly before exiting the room._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm sorry it's been months! I'm so ashamed. But I posted the fourth chapter nearing finals week of my spring semester. Then, in a flurry of work and God being gracious, I found myself in Korea for the whole summer and then senior year of uni started, but I have a chapter! And I'm halfway done with the next chapter too! To apologize, this chapter is like double the length, then some of the previous chapter lengths. 
> 
> So, yea Jaehyun is struggling a little bit, and finally gets to tell someone about it.
> 
> I recreated my twitter, my old one marred by terrible high school cringe, so come say hi @jayyoomee  
> [twt](https://twitter.com/jayyoomee)  
> I wrote a letter to Jungwoo, so if you'd read it and share it, that would be amazing. Link Below!  
>  
> 
>  
> 
> [An open letter to a stranger, an open letter to Kim Jungwoo](https://jayyoomee.wordpress.com/2019/10/02/an-open-letter-to-a-stranger-an-open-letter-to-kim-jungwo/)  
> 


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